How to explain how absurdly good it all is?
How to put to words such that upon reading you are awoken to a deep thankfulness for this gift of life? How even to recall for myself when I’ve grown again blind?
Life is not merely good. It is not great. It is not wonderful, magnificent or spectacular. It is not unbelievable, neither real nor surreal. Life is the only thing. Life is the opportunity to feel good, great, wonderful, magnificent, spectacular, unbelievable, real and surreal. Life is the opportunity to feel.
We all suffer some culturally-induced and experientially reinforced bitters and pains in the presence of fear, love, freedom, god, new age, and self expression. We’re all afraid of something, if not only to appear afraid. We all love something, if not only this razor blade. We all want freedom, whether it be physical, mental, spiritual or the unique freedom granted from instruction and law. We all wonder of god; does he hear us, do I feel him, is he me? I retch when I hear myself say anything new age, and I know this reaction is a reminder of the fears and prejudices we have against all ideas, strangers and ourselves.
Recently, my most pressing adventure has been in combat for freedom of self expression, through movement barely dance, interaction barely human, and experience more powerful than ever. Self Expression; I believe, herein lies an important beast. The best of self expression is that which turns your head when the stranger lifts their eyes to meet yours, that which stifles your laughter because you’re at work or in a library, that which dominates you by fear of social acceptance and ultimately yourself. What part of you do you show the world and when the world loves or hates you, is it really you? Does this not make you feel alone? To be you in full, to offer up your pain and joy as purely and freely as possible gives a sense of relief and leaves the world to fear or adore you.
If you aren’t ready to share yourself with the world then you have some work to do. Don’t go through this life never having shared yourself; you won’t convince a living soul that what you did was live. Don’t hold back the smiles, the laughter, the intended hellos, the intended f-yous, the anxiety and tears. As always, learn from your choices and if you receive less than you desire, change yourself; not filter yourself.
I’ve diverted from the intended goal of this post, and I’m okay with it; in fact, I’m excited to post it as-is and let the world form their own opinions free of my own anxiety-driven editing. You dig it or you don’t; you dig me or you don’t; you dig yourself or you don’t.
Much love to you all.