Besides work, homework, eating, sleeping and the occasional shower, all I do is yoga, run, dance and play basketball. Nearly everything I do requires the use of my feet, and toes, one of which I have injured and reinjured several times in the past two years. Last night, mere days after reaching a long awaited milestone of pain-free running distance, I stubbed my toe yet again. Last night and this morning, I’m unable to walk.
What was I talking about yesterday? Self-discipline, determination, perseverance. What do I want to talk about today? How overwhelmingly frustrated and disappointed I am. I’ll save that for my lucky friends and family. I’d prefer here to grasp at some lessons learned.
Restraint
In the past two weeks, I’ve stubbed my toe, twice. Both times were in the presence of friends, a rarity for me these days. The first time was in an animated display of enacted frustration. The second time, this time, I was merely returning from the bathroom. I wish it weren’t so but there seems to be a lesson here about the further value of restraint. Were I not to have friends, not to participate socially, and especially avoid being fun and animated, I would safely be the expressionless hermit with no friends and healthy feet.
I hate this idea. Health and even strength and endurance are supposed to be enablers for a full and happy, energetic life. I see this life including excitement and animated displays of anything. Am I so klutzy or have such monstrous toes that this is not safely within my reach?
Self-discipline
Now, I don’t have a choice. I can’t walk, let alone run, jump, dance or play. I’m in a new place, temporarily, and was hoping to avoid finding a new doctor but I suppose I can’t go very long without one. There’s scrap wood in the garage for a brace and an ice pack in the freezer. If I can manage to find wrap I’ll be fit to hobble down to breakfast.
I hate missing work as much as I hated missing schooling. Okay, maybe I like missing work a little bit, but there goes my three day weekend. I’ll check my insurance directory for a local doctor and give them a call and spend the day begging for appointments, waiting in doctor’s offices and describing exactly how excruciating painful it is every time they touch or bend or pull or push my toe.
Determination
To be honest, I feel a bit defeated. This is a sentiment I’ll quit just as soon as I stop pitying my poor unfortunate self for what seems to be a curse of never-going-to-be-able-to-run-again. At the moment, it’s pretty impressively hard to believe that I’ll ever be much of a distance runner. At this rate, I won’t be.
Perseverance
This morning, I was hoping to write about how to buy a new pair of running shoes. I thought I’d finally earned it after three months of daily effort and having met a humble 10 minute milestone. I guess I won’t be needing new running shoes anytime soon. That said, I may need to dangle an obvious carrot for this recovery. Next time I safely work up to 10 minutes of running I’ll buy myself a new pair of running shoes. I’ll probably even write an article about it.
For anyone who has stubbed their toe severely:
First step is usually to go to an urgent care center for an x-ray. Given that this is somewhat of an 18-month nagging injury, I should go straight to a podiatrist to get an x-ray and talk about turf toe and toe fractures. Despite its silly name, turf toe is actually a terrible deal. A toe fracture would be less serious but continued jamming could turn that into a persistent pain.
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