Tardy Tuesday was worse than 10am Monday but today is different. Last night, I promised my sister I wouldn’t touch this machine. I would leave early from work, 5pm. I would call her on my way to Yoga. And when I got home at night, after eating and showering with my Yoga mat, I would get in bed and go to sleep.
So I left work before until 6pm but was at Yoga in time for my best practice this year. I love grocery shopping at night, and so I did for cereal and almond milk at Kroger. At home, after eating and showering, and forsaking you and my laptop, I got in bed to read Atlas Shrugged, reading from one drifting eye and then the other.
This morning, I’m awake, 5 hours earlier than usual, because I have to be. Somehow escorting visitors to our lab at the North plant registers as necessity, but I don’t give myself and my future the same consideration and respect. Perhaps today’s success was made possible by the one-off nature of this requirement as opposed to it being a lifestyle change – like someone struggling to make a dietary lifestyle adjustment or any other. But there was never a problem in school – thanks to reliable alarm clock mom – to whom by the way i owe my life. And even still in college, without alarm-clock-mom, even with asleep-in-bed-all-day girlfriend, but even on I’m-still-drunk Mondays, and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays… I was at class every morning, early, learning, thinking, challenged, loving my life.
I don’t worry about money.
All I do is make it.
The only thing I spend it on
is making more money.
I don’t worry about money.
I worry about freedom.
I worry that my life
will be spent making money.
I worry that my life
will consist of nothing more
than sleep and waking to
someone else’s business.
I worry that my worry
will distort to another’s concern.
I worry that my mind
will continue to dominate my heart.
I worry that my family
will fit the standard plan.
I worry that my death
will come as other’s planned.
This is not my life.
Nor is this my hell.
This is purgatory.
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